Clery Report – The Rockbot Bandits
Crime Alert — Theft of Peace — Rockbot Bandits Incident List
Campus crime alerts and timely warnings to the community comply with the federal Jeanne Clery Campus Safety Act (Clery Act).
In an effort to better inform our community, The Mugdown will continue to publish a bi-monthly Crime Alert listing the most recent attacks upon our community by the now notorious “Rockbot Bandits.”
The Bandits appear in University dining halls during high-traffic times and abuse the Rockbot app to subject the Texas A&M community to the worst music imaginable.
| Case Number | Date/Location of Incident | Incident Description |
| 26-0108-0005 | 2/12/2026 – The Commons Dining Hall | Bandits repeatedly queued and mass-upvoted “All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault].” |
| 26-0114-0009 | 2/14/2026 – Sbisa Dining Hall | Bandits queued the entire AJR discography, drowning out all listenable music. |
| 26-0123-0015 | 3/15/2026 – Polo Road | Bandits queued multiple tasteless anime openings. |
| 26-0130-0021 | 3/19/2026 – Sbisa Dining Hall | Bandits queued what can only be described as multiple hours of “co-worker music”. |
Anyone having information pertaining to these heinous crimes are encouraged to contact The Mugdown at 979-845-3211.
While universities are required under the Clery Act to notify the public of such reports, it is also our responsibility to provide information regarding personal protective measures.
Foul-music protection suggestions:
- Consider joining your fellow Aggies in downvoting the offending songs.
- Utilize noise-cancelling headphones as a personal protective measure.
- If experiencing negative side effects, like severe headache or bleeding ears, remove yourself from the area as soon as possible and contact University Health Services.
- As a combative measure, queue up the Aggie War Hymn.
— HypochondriAg
What’s that blob walking down the sidewalk? It’s HypochondriAg in her sparkling clean biosafety level 4 suit! Going into medicine purely to cure every disease on the face of the earth, HypochondriAg has a singular focus in life. Once that last germ is eliminated with one of the many Lysol wipes found on her person, HypochondriAg will ascend from this earthly planet and morph into her final form – a being of pure antibiotics with betadine coursing through her veins. Initially causing strife in meetings by reinstating Covid-era mask mandates, skeptical Mugdown authors were quickly silenced by her award-winning work. From her air-locked and heavily filtered apartment, HypochondriAg pumps out the purest satirical articles ever featured in Mugdown history. Clearly, the only bug she’s caught in her life is the satire kind.