Hidden 5 for Yell Guidelines Leaked

This past weekend, an anonymous source within the Five for Yell campaign leaked to us at The Mugdown criteria for yell leader candidates previously unknown to the student body. Since Five for Yell candidates dominate other contenders every year, we felt it was fair that the entire student body know the truth behind the qualifications for our beloved cheer yell leaders:

1. To be considered, a candidate must say “quesadilla” and/or “queso” with a near-perfect Latino accent when in attendance at a local, authentic Mexican restaurant, including, but not limited to: Chuy’s, Torchy’s, Fuego or even Taco Bell.
2. To be considered, a candidate must provide documentation that within the past five years of air-travel, they clapped every time the plane successfully landed for a duration of, at minimum, 12 seconds.
3. To be considered, a candidate must be able to recite verbatim the lyrics to the widely-honored song “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers.
4. To be considered, a candidate must not operate a motor vehicle without a pickleball paddle, Bible or Zyn present either in the console or passenger seat.
5. To be considered, a candidate must have two out of the three following qualifications:

• An African American friend who can testify to him only talking about rap/hip-hop when he/she is around.
• A Hispanic friend who can testify to him only talking about Bad Bunny when he/she is around.
• A female friend that he hasn’t hit on who can testify to him only talking about Taylor Swift when she is around.

 

— Hullabapoo