Fish Aides ‘Rolling in It’ After Winter Break Trip
In the final weeks before winter break, the Student Senate voted to reallocate 100% of the Representation Commission’s funding to Fish Aides, leaving the Representation Commission penniless and the Fish Aides, well, rolling in it.
Fish Aides leadership has expressed gratitude for the necessary reapportionment.
“We will be using these extra funds for intentional community building, scavenger hunts and our winter trip to New Orleans,” said Fish Aides Director Lacy Carpenter, who was reportedly seen carrying several tan bags with large green $ symbols on them.
The Fish Aides winter trip is an annual trip to New Orleans where Fish Aides get to participate in service activities, enjoy community and cook for one another. This year, however, the Fish Aides’ humble servitude will also be dealt within the glittering lights of Louisiana’s finest gambling halls.
“I can’t wait to hit up the Golden Nugget,” Fish Aides co-chair Benjamin Matthews whispered to the Senate Finance Chair over the urinals in the Koldus bathroom. “Once I put it all on red, we’ll finally have enough money for the Custodian Banquet.”
The Representation Commission at first was discouraged about being defunded, but have tried to take a more optimistic perspective.
“I mean, sure, we could do a lot more work to give a voice to underrepresented groups on campus,” said Representation Commissioner Jessica Hernandez. “I’m just grateful that those in SGA are being represented and recognized well.”
The Fish Aides have already begun planning their Spring Trip to Colorado, with sights set on skiing in Pagosa Springs, though depending on the success of their winter trip, the location may shift to Switzerland.
— Panty Hopping & Dumbledorms
For Panty Hopping, nothing feels more liberating than a comforting swim in the waters of Rudder Fountain. Her articles are all written after her refreshing wades in the waters of the many ponds on campus, and the mysterious liquid masquerading as water within these ponds renders her unable to recall writing her articles. She asserts she is not liable for anything written within them, and that the blood, sweat and tears of Aggies long gone that she has absorbed through her swims in the mystical ponds are the lifeblood of her writing. Sure, Panty Hopping might be seen applying to every organization on campus or in the Instagram comments of that girl in your Math 140 class three semesters ago. Still, her true passion lies in swimming in the glorious ponds on campus.