Mays Student Earns Internship By Just Talking Louder Than Everyone Else
Senior finance major Nat Knock has just landed a Big Four internship after describing her tactic of networking as “just talking, but louder.”
Knock, who lists “strong communicator” as a strength on her resume, claims that she just “exuded dominance” at the career fair until a recruiter approached her.
“They say networking is all about who you know,” said Knock. “Personally, I think it’s more about who you can hear across the room.”
Bystanders say that Knock’s breakthrough came when she interrupted a recruiter mid-sentence to say she’s “customer centric.” Allegedly, the recruiter slowly handed her a business card.
“Out of fear or respect, I’m not sure,” said witness Blake Crow. “Maybe both.”
While Knock’s approach is unconventional, it has been unexpectedly effective. Mays Business School has since launched a pilot study to determine whether voice decibel level correlates with starting salary. Students who are able to project above 90 dB may be exempt from preliminary interviews and instead be directly placed into an internship position.
— Elevator Pitch
You thought you were just riding up one floor. She thought she had 30 seconds to change your life. Elevator Pitch has never met a silent moment she couldn’t monetize – every interaction is a carefully crafted brand opportunity, and you are her target audience. By the time the doors open, you’ve heard about her startup, her “passion project,” and somehow agreed to subscribe to her on Substack. She doesn’t believe in small talk, only strategic outreach, and if you make eye contact, congratulations, you’ve just been onboarded.