Hundreds of Students Gather for ‘No Queens’ Protests Across Campus

In the wake of last weekend’s “No Kings” protests, a disgruntled group of Aggies has taken aim at local monarch Ms. Reveille. “No Queens” rallies have been scheduled across campus in the upcoming weeks, protesting the almost 95-year reign of The First Lady of Aggieland.. 

“She was in power when I was a student,” said Howard Mills, former student and main protest organizer. “And I graduated in ‘76.”

Key rallying points include Miss Rev’s unchecked power over classroom proceedings and the misappropriation of university funds, specifically those put toward Rev Force One. 

“I can’t teach my class if a dog so much as barks?” said one professor. “So much for freedom of speech.”

Disillusioned members of the Corps of Cadets have also come forward with their stories of the tyrannical leader. Many claim that during mandatory morning exercise, Miss Rev is unrelenting, demanding that cadets chase campus squirrels for her. 

When asked about these reports of power overreach, Lt. General Kenneth Houndstooth stated that the protests were “a joke” and “obviously just cat people pushing their feline agenda.”

The Corps has no plan to strip Miss Rev of her title any time soon, so it seems her reign will continue for now. 

— Stephen Ring