Texas A&M To Hire Congressman as Chemistry Professor

After instructor Dr. Melissa McCoul was fired this September in a decision that we have been assured was unaffected by the Board of Regents, potential professors have started looking elsewhere, and current professors are considering resignation. 

In light of this deficit, university higher-ups have made the unbiased and not politically-motivated move toward hiring members of Congress and the State Legislature to faculty positions instead of career academics.

“This makes the system we already have far more efficient anyway,” said one member of the Board of Regents. “Instead of having politicians indirectly control what our professors say, why not just cut out the middle-man and have them teach the classes themselves?”

As one of the first hires in this initiative, Texas State Representative Brian Harrison (District 10), is set to join the chemistry department next semester . 

Harrison has stated in a recent interview that he might have to “brush up on his chemistry by scrolling on Twitter for a few hours,” but he is definitely going to “remove all indoctrination” from campus. 

Early drafts of Harrison’s CHEM 257 syllabus appear to have removed all discussion of cis-trans isomerism and added topics such as “Chemistry and Christianity” and more.

—HypochondriAg