Transportation Services to Offer Horse and Buggy Amidst Extreme Bus Delays

After successfully making 70,000 students late to all of their classes, Texas A&M Transportation Services has unveiled their latest efficiency initiative — horse and buggy. Set to release on Friday, students will now be able to hitch a ride on a rustic wagon led by elderly horses borrowed from the College of Agriculture & Life Sciences.

“We hear your complaints,” said Vice President of Transportation Services Samuel Weathersby. “This new method of transportation is predicted to be 10 times faster than the Aggie Spirit Bus, and is expected to hit up to 50 percent less curbs.”

The project, titled “Transportation Back to Tradition,” will feature nearly a hundred horse-drawn carriages circling the campus at random intervals. Similar to the bus system, riders can expect delays, bumpy rides, and a wonderfully musky scent emanating from every direction.

Though the plan has caused skepticism, Transportation Services insists the horse and buggy system is the most pragmatic option.

“Over the summer, we poured nearly five million dollars into transportation reforms,” said Weathersby. “We looked into roller skates, golf carts, and just chasing students down the road, but only horses provide our students with the slowness, unreliability, and dissatisfaction they have grown accustomed to with on-campus transportation.”

Students, however, remain largely unconvinced.

“I have been 30 minutes late to my 8 am every day this week,” said mathematics sophomore Richard Ewers. “Now I am supposed to entrust my punctuality to a horse named Coco that was supposed to be euthanized last week?”

Despite the backlash, Transportation Services remains confident in the program. Starting Friday, students will be able to locate the nearest horse and buggy on the transportation website alongside eternally-delayed Aggie Spirit Buses.

— Hello Dammit