[Clickbait Week] 10 People To Text Before Your Ex
Your TA: We both know what she meant when she said good job in lab today. In ten years the age difference won’t be that weird.
Your Mom: She misses you, and we both know you do not text her nearly enough.
My Mom (248-434-5508): Ever since my dad divorced her, she’s been really lonely. Do me a favor and call her. She could really use the distraction, especially now that I’m away at college.
Your Professor: Just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean you have to be stupid. Ask if you can come over for personal office hours at his house. He will be so excited you are taking the initiative to learn more material.
Napa Flats: Make a reservation for three months from now. If you’re still single by then, maybe it’s a sign.
The Girl From The Elevator: She got off on the second floor. She’s in one of the 50 rooms. Knock on each one and ask for the girl with blonde hair who was in the elevator two days ago.
The Guy That Sits In Front Of You In Lecture: He might not know who you are, but you’ve looked at his computer enough times to know y’all are a perfect fit. Try complimenting him on how good he did on the Wordle today.
Your Friend You Sometimes Have Gay Thoughts About: Don’t deny it, you know there’s something there. College is a time for experimentation, and y’all already have such great chemistry…
Wade Taylor IV: Hey, I hear you’re a straight shooter, wanna make a Wade Taylor V?
The Guy Who Runs This Account: He is so lonely. DMs are wide open right now. He’ll probably respond in seconds.
— Mrs. Dabfire
Mrs. Dabfire is a woman of many talents: certified fish camp mom, unofficial MSC greeter, and full-time vape cloud. A theater major turned amateur intramural pickleball referee, Dabfire made a name for herself when she substituted for her younger cousin at New Student Conference and somehow left with three Breakaway T-shirts, a minor in Agricultural Leadership, and a job offer at Layne’s Chicken Fingers. Known for her emotional range (from giggling to sobbing during the Aggie War Hymn), she’s never seen without a pearl necklace, platform Crocs, and a Juul named “Ol’ Sarge.” She’s not your mom – she’s everybody’s mom. Just don’t ask what’s in her Owala.