Frat Pledge Goes Undercover In Corps Of Cadets, Finds Zero Difference

In an attempt to bridge the gap between Texas A&M’s Corps of Cadets and fraternity scene, sophomore Brad “Scooter” Reynolds — a pledge of Delta Iota Kappa, or DIK — infiltrated the Corps for two months, only to conclude that he had accidentally joined another fraternity.

“I thought I was walking into some hardcore military institution,” Reynolds said. “But then they handed me khakis, yelled in my face and made me do push-ups in the mud. I literally just did this last weekend for pledgeship.”

Reynolds reported the experience was nearly identical to his pledge semester, except with fewer Vineyard Vines polos and more rules about haircuts.

“Yeah, they called me ‘Fish Reynolds’ instead of ‘Pledge Reynolds,’ but it was the same deal,” Reynolds said. “I had to memorize weird sayings and answer every question with ‘Yes, sir.’”

However, Reynolds did note one key difference in the balance of hazing used between the groups. 

“Honestly, hazing happens way less in the Corps,” Reynolds said. “If guys really want that, they should just join a frat. At least there, they’ll get a nickname, a bruised rib and a forced love for lukewarm Natty Light.”

Reynolds was last seen preparing for his Corps outfit’s “Brass Week,” where he started mistakenly referring to it as “Initiation.”

— Lock T