Playboi Carti in Cage to Headline BYX’s Island Party

In an unexpected organizational blunder, the Beta Upsilon Chi, or BYX’, Island Party Music Festival’s headline act has been unexpectedly changed from Rayland Baxter to Playboi Carti. 

The Christian fraternity quietly updated their website for the new lineup when no one was looking, resulting in a mix of backlash and praise from Texas A&M students. The general consensus from BYX’s fraternity members is that although Playboi Carti is the last person they wanted on the lineup, they’ll do anything to raise money for their mission partner, Living Water.

“We had no intention of booking Playboi Carti,” senior BYX external coordinator Rogan Phillips said. “We had a feeling something went wrong when someone from the Island Party committee asked our pledge class what they were most excited for in the lineup and they said ‘BACKD00R’ with zeros and all caps out loud somehow.”  

To the shock of many, the national BYX advisor has agreed to allow Playboi Carti to appear at the event under one condition: He must be in a cage for the safety of everyone involved. To even greater surprise, Playboi Carti agreed to these conditions, as long as he gets to wear a dog collar and keep the cage after. 

“We don’t trust him, so we thought putting him in a cage would be best,” BYX executive director Jonathan Johns said. “However, I trust that this was an honest and genuine mistake — these men of God can do no wrong.”

There are conflicting stories among BYX members, most of whom are unclear themselves as to how this mistake occurred. 

“We’re suspecting that someone searched up “MUSIC” and just rolled with it,” Phillips said. “We’ve already lost our deposit, so we’re going to just double down. We don’t get why Carti agreed to join us, but we know God has a plan.” 

Beta Upsilon Chi has vowed to triple cleanse and bless all money donated to Living Water. The event’s Christian speaker will also bless the stage both before and after the headline performance, which will then be followed by a 48 hour worship session to clear up any “EVIL J0RDAN” spirits left in the vicinity. 

— Loco-Motive