A&M Hits Record 102% Acceptance Rate Amid UT Rejection Wave
According to a leaked statistic, the Texas A&M Office of Admissions is expecting a record acceptance rate of 102% for the Class of 2029. The stat is speculated to be connected to a push from the office of Gov. Greg Abbott, who stated last week at a press conference that “‘everything is bigger in Texas’ needs to be taken more seriously.”
The statistic has yet to be verified by the university and was reportedly spotted in a chart in the background of a photo posted from the Office of Admissions’ X account. When zoomed in, the chart reads as follows:
- Accept rejects
- Indoctrinate rejects
- Brand overpopulation as a worldwide network
- Thank Governor Greg Abbott and Beyoncé
The Office of Admissions declined all requests to comment.
“As the Republic of Texas, we need our largest university to have more students than anyone in the nation,” Abbott said. “I’m a strong proponent for Bathy Kanks’ initial plan for the university. Bigger is always better, and the size of this university matters.”
There has been further speculation that this wave of acceptances was planned in conjunction with the University of Texas at Austin’s rejection letter distribution date. Many high school seniors have reported acceptance letters from A&M occurring approximately 12 seconds after receiving their initial UT rejection letters.
This even includes students who didn’t even apply to Texas A&M, such as incoming freshman Levo Bonghorn, who says the indoctrination attempt might actually work on him.
“I can’t even lie, being wanted by Greg Abbott himself is making me feel things I never thought I could feel before,” Bonghorn said. “I can’t wait to tell everyone I know I never applied to little brother.”
— Loco-Motive
Fueled by pure caffeine and watching reruns of Student Senate debates, Loco-Motive runs on chaos and charisma. Once a calm, rule-following freshman, they accidentally rode the Spirit Bus route in a full loop and emerged… different. Now, Loco-Motive writes exposés at lightning speed, stirring the pot and spilling the tea with zero brakes. You’ll see them sprinting across campus double fisting a Red Bull and Iced Latte on any given day. They’ve been banned from GroupMe six times and somehow turned it into a resume booster. Loco-Motive isn’t just off the rails, they are the rails now.