Semi Date Just Invited As Arm Candy Asks “What Are We?”
In Late November, at Delta Delta Delta’s annual semi-formal, one unlucky date made the mistake of asking his date “what are we?”
Tri Delta junior Holly Simpson brought senior Calvin Hodges, member of PC 23 of Pi Kappa Alpha. Early in the night, Simpson was seen on Hodge’s arm wearing five inch heels, a strapless silk dress, and a green bow perfectly matching Hodge’s tie. .
Simpson, quote “life of the party and serial dater,” reports annoyance at it all.
“Every year it’s always the same thing,” Simpson said. “Like, can’t a girl just bring a total stranger to a very fancy event, pose like a couple for about 7-10 Instagram pictures, and go home in separate Ubers?”
An anonymous source claims Hodges is “a big guy with big emotions.”
“I’m, uh, friends with Calvin. I know for a fact that this has happened to him the last (inaudible — sniffling) years.” the source said. “He always gets his hopes up that a girl actually wants to have a nice date with him at her semi-formal, and they act all sweet, putting their hand on his chest and laughing at his jokes, and then I — I mean he — thinks everything is going perfectly, so he invites her to stay the night at his place, and she totally just blows him off to go to Taco Bell with her friends!” Simpson was reportedly too embarrassed to release photos of the event online, and her Instagram has been noticeably bare since the event. Simpson and Hodges haven’t been seen together since.
— Lavender Hazed
Yes, Lavender Hazed is a Swiftie, but Don’t You start thinking those stereotypes Mean you know everything about her Sad Beautiful Tragic story. She bleeds Maroon which is why she joined the Corps of Cadets. But The Very First Night, Lavender Hazed learned the Corps was no Wonderland when The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived in Briggs Hall tried to haze her with a rubber snake attached to an Invisible String. Fortunately, she was able to Jump Then Fall out her window to the Holy Ground of the Quad and run to her Getaway Car. Lavender Hazed knew All Too Well (10 Minute Version) that Everything Has Changed. Even after reporting The Man, she could not Shake It Off that she was The Lucky One that was Safe & Sound. Long Story Short, now she spends her Daylight writing satire to expose hazing all across campus which to her is Better than Revenge. Mirrorball.