Texas A&M Squirrel Protests No Nut November

In a passionate display, Gary “Acorn” Barnes — Texas A&M’s self-proclaimed “Squirrel Advocate” — has taken to campus wearing a squirrel fursuit, demanding the university abandon its “No Nut November” initiative. 

The university’s initiative, which aims to decrease the amount of rodents on campus, has affected the local squirrel and nut population with its implementation of mouse traps and nut-catchers. 

Barnes stated that the campus’ furry residents should be free to bust open their hard-earned nuts whenever — and however — they want.

“Nuts are a squirrel’s God-given right!” Barnes said, pulling out a sign that read “Free Our Nuts!” as a small crowd gathered around to watch. “They can’t force us to hide our nuts away for a month. This is a violation of squirrel liberty!”

Barnes, who reportedly spent several hours “getting into character” before his protest, has gone to great lengths to champion the squirrels’ cause. 

“These little guys have one mission: To gather and bust as many nuts as possible,” Barnes explained, wiping sweat from the suit’s fur-covered forehead. “It’s just nuts — plain and simple! Imagine being told to wait an entire month to crack open a nice walnut. Just ridiculous!”

PETA acknowledged the event online, believing the protest to be about habitat preservation.

“Animals should be free to enjoy their nuts,” said PETA spokesperson Daisy Green via X. 

The tweet was deleted after Barnes stated his main grievance, centered around what he called “the animalistic satisfaction of a good, hard nut.”

 — Lock T