Aggie Fans Pool Money To Buy Ted Cruz Longhorn Season Tickets

Texas A&M fans have pooled their resources to buy Sen. Ted Cruz season tickets for University of Texas at Austin football games, hoping to unleash the infamous “Ted Cruz Curse” on their rivals.

The GoFundMe campaign, titled “Operation Longhorn Loss,” has raised an astonishing $26,000 from overjoyed Aggies eager to see UT’s dreams crumble under Cruz’s watchful eye. 

“We saw what happened when he showed up to the A&M vs. Notre Dame game,” GoFundMe owner and Corps of Cadets freshman Jared Gonzalez said. “It’s clear: If Ted Cruz is in the stands, the home team doesn’t stand a chance.”

Gonzalez says the GoFundMe is about more than just the collapse of the Longhorns.

“This isn’t just about football, it’s about science,” Gonzalez said. “We’re conducting a public experiment to prove the existence of the Cruz curse once and for all.”

A spokesperson for Senator Cruz responded to a request for comment.

“The Senator is always happy to support Texas teams, and he appreciates the enthusiastic support of all fans, even if they are Aggies,” the spokesperson wrote. “He looks forward to bringing his unique brand of energy to every game.”

UT Austin fans, however, are less thrilled. 

“Can’t they just send him to watch Oklahoma?” one distraught Longhorn lamented. “We don’t need this kind of bad energy in Austin. We already have Musk .”

Rumor has it that Longhorn alumni are planning a counter-fund to pay Cruz to stay away, citing the university’s unofficial motto: “Keep Austin Weird — but not that weird.” Only time will tell if Ted Cruz will become the ultimate 12th Man for UT Austin. 

—Mugdown Staff