You Found Your Boyfriend on Barstool’s ‘Tinder Tuesday’ — What Now?

So, you found your boyfriend’s room on Tinder Tuesday. What now?

I know, it was really easy to gaslight yourself into thinking it wasn’t his room. There are a lot of men in this town with a cowboy hat hanging next to a TV and a “Saturdays Are For The Boys” flag. 

But you knew better. You recognized that pile of unwashed laundry topped with a suspicious gray rag. But don’t worry — I have options for you!! 

 

1. Stay with him! No one will ever make you feel like he does. Remember that time your grandma died and you drove 12 hours to her funeral and he took another girl to his frat barge party but didn’t hook up with her? That’s because he’s the love of your life. Ignore what the haters are saying. #loveprevails
2. Sprinkle instant mashed potatoes in his yard. This is low-maintenance, slow-burn revenge. He won’t even find out until the next time it rains.
3. Break into his house and steal one shoelace out of all of his shoes. Slight inconveniences are the name of the game.
4. Cut holes in his socks so his big toe pokes out. No girl will ever want him again.
5. Put his phone number on the Church of Scientology list. They’ll never leave him alone. If he’s into that (ew), then put his number on a website that calls at 6 AM every day to wake him up.
6. Write his number in the men’s bathroom at multiple clubs on Northgate with a note that says “I’m hot. Call me ;)”
7. Fill his gas tank with Worcestershire sauce. 
8. Pawn his PlayStation to pay for your Aggie Ring.
9. Steal his sports pass the week before the Texas game.
10. Enlist him in the military.

 

— Rudder Ducky