Moped Rider is Shocked to Discover the World Doesn’t Revolve Around Him

Sophomore industrial engineering major Brad Smithers was shocked to discover this morning that traffic laws did not revolve around him after he ran over several students with his moped on their way to the Sbisa dining hall for breakfast.

“When Mommy and Daddy bought me this fresh Honda Ruckus from Scoots, they told me I was the new big man on campus,” Smithers said to bike cops on the scene. “I hit people? More like people got in my way.”

In accordance with local regulations, police confiscated Smithers’s moped license for a week. When informed of his punishment, Smithers was reportedly seen flailing his arms and legs while screaming on the sidewalk near the Sbisa crosswalk.

“It’s not fair!” Smithers, while rolling on the sidewalk, said. “If I can’t moped, how will people know I’m better than them when I ride to class? This means I’ll have to take the… the… the bus.”

While the students suffered only minor cuts and bruises, the biggest bruise was to Smithers’s ego as he steeled himself to a week of walking and bussing around campus.

– Hullabapoo