Budget Cuts at College of Arts and Sciences Leads to Dissection of Reveille X
Last Monday, biomedical science students were shocked to find that Reveille X had been euthanized to serve as the dissection model for their anatomy lab practical.
“They totally picked the wrong animal for our model,” Kylie Harrison, a junior enrolled in BIOL 319, said. “We’ve got all these cats outside of Heldenfels that no one pays any attention to, and they kill our mascot? At least she had a cute Instagram page.”
Dr. Beatrice Vaughn, an anatomy professor and graduate from the University of Texas, cited financial trouble as the reason for Reveille X’s abrupt demise.
“Now that those pesky biomedical sciences majors are going back to their own college, the College of Arts and Sciences is flying by the seat of its pants,” Vaughn said. “It’s not our fault that dogs make great anatomical models, and the closest available dog just happened to be important or something.”
When asked for comment, members of Company E-2 were unwilling to take questions due to their ongoing identity crisis after losing the one thing that made them remotely interesting. A campus-wide search is soon to be underway for a new school mascot.
— MSGlee
A classically trained soprano with a minor in chaotic energy, MSGlee once tried to start an Aggie-themed Glee club called “The Whoops.” When that failed, they pivoted to campus satire with the same intensity they used to audition for the Pitch Perfect movies. Known for harmonizing and improvising lyrics with the piano players in the Flag Room and emotionally breaking down over bad acoustics in Rudder, MSGlee blends musical theater trauma with unhinged campus commentary. Their columns are melodic, dramatic, and often come with suggested Spotify playlists. Just don’t ask them about their duet gone wrong with a Ross Volunteer.