Recently Discovered Species of Venomous Texas Snake Already Announcing Student Body President Campaign

A newly discovered species of venomous snake, found in the Bryan-College Station area, has reportedly already announced his Student Body President campaign.

Despite his venomous nature, the snake has promised to act as a “judicious” and “benevolent” leader to Texas A&M.

“Sssome students on this campus are ssspeciesist, and that’sss okay,” the snake said in an interview.  “That’sss why I’m here: to show people that they shouldn’t judge a candidate by its ssscales.”

His campaign is centered around being different from past Student Body Presidents claiming that he will not overpromise and underdeliver, participate in backroom dealings, act only in his self-interest, or take dark money from suspicious political groups. Another key pillar of his platform is inclusivity.

“I’m advocating for heat lamps in Evansss and frozen mice in Aggie Expresssss. Is it too much to ask for A&M to be multiculturally ressspectful?” the snake said at a rally outside Evans Library.

He has already received endorsements from the Texas A&M Herpetology Society and Texas A&M Pre-Law Society.

“I’m excited to be the first inter-ssspecies Student Body President candidate,” the snake said. “It would be a huge leap forward for nonmammalian rightsss everywhere. Though, I’m a little confused — I heard someone say we already had a venomous sssnake as our last SSStudent Body President?”

— Batt-atouille & MSC++