Campus Police Now Requiring Biking License
A steep incline in campus biking incidents has resulted in a new campus law requiring cyclists and scooterists to obtain biking licenses.
Students who choose bicycles and scooters as their preferred mode of on-campus transportation will now be required by law to pass a navigation test. This test consists of multiple obstacles so that students can prove their competence in dodging pedestrians, poles, curbs, and, most importantly, Reveille’s precious paws.
“I’m getting pretty damn tired of all these biking accidents on campus, it creates a lot of paperwork for me,” Officer Bob Higgins, a UPD officer, said. “It’s not that hard to ride a bike, but some of these students can’t seem to figure it out.”
With this law, university administration hopes to remove Texas A&M from the top spot of on-campus, non-motor vehicle accidents in the nation.
Students have voiced their support for this new law, saying things like “Some students just don’t deserve the right to own a bicycle” or complaining about the various benches, sidewalks, hallways, or bathrooms where they’ve been hit by a bicyclist.
The cycling community was unable to be reached for comment as all requests were ignored due to the AirPods in their ears.
— Bizzle Blazer
Known as the scourge of pedestrians, Bizzle Blazer is notorious for his disregard of campus traffic rules and stop signs as he flies down the campus streets on his trusty moped. Bizzle Blazer owns this campus, a fact he makes sure to let you know each time he claims another sidewalk or bike rack as his personal parking spot. While it may be hard to appreciate him as he nearly runs you over on the sidewalk, Bizzle Blazer is always happy to provide a ride to any Aggie in a rush. Just make sure to hold on tight because Bizzle Blazer exclusively travels at his moped’s maximum speed of 35 miles per hour.