Student Who Says Ex Was Desperate is Unaware of How Bad That Reflects on Him
During a night out with friends, junior Orson Levy unknowingly described himself in an unsavory manner after saying his last ex “was desperate and willing to date just about anybody.” Levy’s associates unknowingly confirmed this negative description by agreeing with him.
“She was crazy,” Levy said. “She had like, no standards, and she just let any random dude wander into her life. Levy went on to state that she had horrible taste in men.
“She also dated the worst-looking men around,” Levy said. “She showed me her exes, and every single one of them looked like a manager at a trailer park. She was way too pretty for them!”
When asked if he still kept in contact with her, Levy replied that he did.
“Sometimes, she would leave her phone on the nightstand, and I saw that she kept talking to all her exes,” Levy said. “I’d look through it and see that they just wouldn’t leave her alone. When I text her now, it’s really simple things like asking for a coffee date or seeing if she is up, not weird stuff like they would send her.”
— Middle Class Missionary
Middle Class was always the disappointment of the family. He was born to the family of Swedish death metalheads that founded Hot Topic, but never took an interest in music, the supernatural, or anything alternative. That all changed when one day he picked up a little book written by a fella named Jesus Christ. Soon he would be traveling around the world, spreading the good word at sold out stadiums. Along the way, he picked up more than an acoustic guitar and an affinity for ham-boning. He made a lot of money too! After achieving peak global success, he realized his true purpose in life: to build an ever bigger Protestant church down the street from St. Mary’s.