Student Horrified to Find Table Infested With Other Students
After returning from a brief bathroom break on Sunday, computer science major Sarah Jakobsen was appalled to find the large table she had been studying at in Evans Library covered with other students. This surprised Jakobsen, as she had left an empty Starbucks cup in the center of the table, a primal gesture intended to mark the table as her own.
While there were several open chairs at the 12-seat table, Jakobsen was too overcome with rage to continue studying. For several minutes, she was seen pacing and muttering “absolute savages” to herself.
“It just feels unsanitary,” Jakobsen said. “I need a wide berth to get any work done and with all those pests crawling around my workspace, I can’t concentrate on anything.” Despite the serious nature of this infestation, the library staff was not concerned.
“It’s finals season. I don’t know what you want me to say,” Gary Mondloch, head of the libraries at Texas A&M University, said. “She really called them unsanitary? God, engineers are the worst.”
With the end of the semester looming, several similar outbreaks have been reported in the Medical Sciences Library and MSC Flag Room.
—Walton, Texas Ranger
Coming from a long line of beef cattle barons, Walton, Texas Ranger knows his way around a slab of meat. You can usually find him at Rosenthal in between the tenderloin and beef shoulder. He’s the envy of every man on the Aggie Barbecue team and the apple of every horse girl’s eye and, honestly, we can’t blame them.