Texas A&M University Releases List of Banned Halloween Costumes

To protect shared ideals on campus, the Board of Regents decided to release a list of banned costumes for tonight’s Halloween holiday. The most popular costumes of the past 2025 season have been prohibited, including anatomically correct furry suits, costumes that show shoulders or ankles, heavy metal t-shirts and drag.

The list was comprehensive, but The Mugdown staff poured over the 30-page report to graciously give you the highlights:

Drag

Explanation: “There is nothing scarier than a man dressing like a woman. Like, what if I am hitting on this girl at a party and she turns out to be a man! We cannot have that at THE Texas A&M University.”

Alternative: Gender appropriate clothing.

 

Slutty Outfits

Explanation: “To further protect women, we decided to re-establish modesty on Halloween. For too long women have been showing their shoulders and ankles at parties.”

Alternative: Handmaid

 

Stereotypical White Guy

Explanation: “This is offensive on so many levels. Not all of us are nepotists who got their start using Daddy’s money. Also, we don’t all dress like that at all; I only have 5 sweaters in my closet, and none of them are pink.”

Alternative: Stereotypical costume of any other culture

 

Joe Biden

Explanation: “Why would you ever want to dress like someone who lost? Furthermore, there is a reason our school color is a shade of red, not blue. Maybe we should ban the color blue next year.”

Alternative: Ken Paxton

 

Fur Suits

Explanation: “We pride ourselves on being the foremost institution in banning animal costumes. Do you know who dresses like animals? The T.U. Longhorn and LSU Tiger mascots. We will never stoop to their level.”

Alternative: Ol’ Rock the Good Ag

 

Devil

Explanation: “This university was founded on Christian values, such as militarism and patriarchy. Dressing as the devil only serves to invite sinful beliefs into Aggieland.”

Alternative: A good Christian woman

— Daddy War Hymn