Your New Roommates are Starting a Cult
For Marcy McCain, a junior agribusiness major, the new school year was one ripe with possibility. A new house, no longer having to ride Bus 12 to class every morning, having her own shelf in the refrigerator and control over the AC. Sure, she had opted into random roommates against the warnings of pretty much everyone she knew, but she never could have expected for things to go south quite as quickly as they did.
It all started with the candles. On the first day of class, Marcy came down the stairs ready for her 9 a.m. class, only to be met with a living room filled with candles. Her new roommates, Inga and Maja, were mostly getting along well, and though the candles got in the way from time to time and were definitely a fire hazard, Marcy never wanted to make her roommates feel unwelcome.
Aside from the mess of candles in the living room, Marcy had no complaints. The dishes were always clean, and Inga never complained about taking out the trash every week. But things started to get worse when Maja and Inga began to invite their giant, attractive male friends with dubiously European accents for elaborate dinners, where they would wear flowy linen tunics and colorful flower crowns. Marcy wasn’t opposed to her roommate having guests over, especially of the attractive variety, but the dinners would last until 2 AM and the chants would keep her awake late into the night.
Inga and Maja would try to assure Marcy that this was just their Hullabaloo U group and even began to invite Marcy to the dinners. She declined, of course, and chose to observe from afar. The group grew and shrunk as students mysteriously ended their terms and vanished without a trace. Inga and Maja weren’t worried, as there were always more to take their place.
It wasn’t until Marcy discovered trails of blood leading from the garage to the backyard, and weird packets of meat in the freezer that she finally began to put the pieces together…Her new roommates had formed a hunting club, and she had made things weird by saying no despite their repeated invitations!
Marcy had decided that next dinner, she would be there…flower crown and linen on.
— Panty Hopping
For Panty Hopping, nothing feels more liberating than a comforting swim in the waters of Rudder Fountain. Her articles are all written after her refreshing wades in the waters of the many ponds on campus, and the mysterious liquid masquerading as water within these ponds renders her unable to recall writing her articles. She asserts she is not liable for anything written within them, and that the blood, sweat and tears of Aggies long gone that she has absorbed through her swims in the mystical ponds are the lifeblood of her writing. Sure, Panty Hopping might be seen applying to every organization on campus or in the Instagram comments of that girl in your Math 140 class three semesters ago. Still, her true passion lies in swimming in the glorious ponds on campus.