Mean Corps: Coming this Week to an Outfit Near You

On Wednesday, a fish visited Duncan Dining Hall with their friend, excited to finally have something good: Duncan’s plain vanilla ice cream. Holding stained plastic bowls, the two fish looked for an open table. However, the only table with room was half occupied by upperclassmen in the Texas A&M University Corps of Cadets. As the fish put down their plates to sit, three cadets approached them. 

“You can’t sit with us,” said C-2 senior Reggie Jorge. Jorge crossed his arms and flashed his boots to the student. The cadet by his side, Squadron 17 junior Kieran Smith, flashed his Corps brass. “On Wednesdays, we wear white belts, fish”. 

The fish pointed out the stupidity of being territorial over a lunch table. Garrett Wagner, a K-2 junior, expressed his discontent with this criticism.

“I don’t think my father — the biggest sponsor of the Corps of Cadets Association — would be too pleased to hear about this,” said Wagner. “Why are you so obsessed with us?” 

“That’s the thing with you Brass, you think that everybody is in love with you, when actually, everybody hates you!” said the fish. 

At this point, the fish’s buddy pulled them aside to give them a warning. “Word of advice … the Brass have a strict code of conduct. They believe in discipline, personal responsibility and honesty. They just prefer those qualities in other people.” 

Jorge scoffed, then signaled for the other cadets to leave.

“Come on losers, we’re going hazing,” said the senior as his boots clicked away behind him. The fish looked at each other, concerned.

Brass is the one time of the year when everyone can be total unfiltered assholes to the fish, and no one can say anything about it. 

Good luck, fishies!

— Boot Licker