Maggies Market Generously Supports the Indie Interests of its Members
Maggies, a Texas A&M University women’s organization, hosts an annual philanthropic event known as “Maggies Market.” This event features various local vendors and generates thousands in revenue for the organization.
Recent analysis of budget statements and anecdotal accounts have revealed Maggies Market is actually a front for members to fundraise for Hozier concert tickets, new Baggu purses and additional piercings.
“I understand that everyone is upset, but supporting the interests of our Maggies and empowering them to be their most authentic selves is the most important thing to me,” said chair Anna Paulson. “If they can’t afford to carry around oatmilk matcha lavender lattes and wear flowy maxi skirts, how will they pour into others?”
Maggies Market is predicted to be a resounding success, with the organization expecting to raise over $20,000. The earnings will be distributed equitably among members to support their indie and granola lifestyles.
“Despite the outrage at our use of the proceeds, without Maggies Market, I would never have been able to afford my new blue Birkenstock Bostons, and who would I be without them?” said Maggies Yellow Shirt Madison Parker.
Investigative journalists at The Mugdown have concluded that this is a worthy cause and encourage other organizations to support the artistic and stylistic endeavors of their members.
— Panty Hopping
For Panty Hopping, nothing feels more liberating than a comforting swim in the waters of Rudder Fountain. Her articles are all written after her refreshing wades in the waters of the many ponds on campus, and the mysterious liquid masquerading as water within these ponds renders her unable to recall writing her articles. She asserts she is not liable for anything written within them, and that the blood, sweat and tears of Aggies long gone that she has absorbed through her swims in the mystical ponds are the lifeblood of her writing. Sure, Panty Hopping might be seen applying to every organization on campus or in the Instagram comments of that girl in your Math 140 class three semesters ago. Still, her true passion lies in swimming in the glorious ponds on campus.