Opinion: The Sky is Blue
Over the past year, Texas A&M University has released multiple statements that the sky is red and has required any mention of the color blue to be removed from all syllabuses across campus; however, our investigations indicate that the sky is, in fact, blue.
But don’t worry, Robert L. Albritton, this is just my opinion. Do you see that little word in the title? It’s pronounced “uh-PIN-yun,” which means that you can’t be mad at me or this publication for taking a stance on this matter.
I don’t want our readers or university leadership to be upset with me, even though the sky’s blue color is a fact — I mean opinion. Please don’t be mad; we can’t afford to lose any funding right now.
What if we go with something more moderate? The sky is purple. That isn’t blue or red! Are we safe in the middle? I won’t choose a side if you promise to love me. Even though every moral atom in my body screams for me to say that the sky is blue.
I’m sorry. The sky is purple.
Could anyone reading this please consider making a donation? Even $1 would help our small team of student journalists speak truth to power.
— HypochondriAg
What’s that blob walking down the sidewalk? It’s HypochondriAg in her sparkling clean biosafety level 4 suit! Going into medicine purely to cure every disease on the face of the earth, HypochondriAg has a singular focus in life. Once that last germ is eliminated with one of the many Lysol wipes found on her person, HypochondriAg will ascend from this earthly planet and morph into her final form – a being of pure antibiotics with betadine coursing through her veins. Initially causing strife in meetings by reinstating Covid-era mask mandates, skeptical Mugdown authors were quickly silenced by her award-winning work. From her air-locked and heavily filtered apartment, HypochondriAg pumps out the purest satirical articles ever featured in Mugdown history. Clearly, the only bug she’s caught in her life is the satire kind.