Heated Rivalry Intensifies as Army LARPers Face Army LARPers

Tensions are heating up on the Quad as Texas A&M University prepares to use another 10 million dollars for their practice match against The Citadel Bulldogs. Interested in the opinions surrounding the university’s upcoming game, The Mugdown visited Dixie Chicken and found the nearest student with an overpriced military haircut to get an exclusive interview from a Texas A&M cadet. 

“The Corps of Cadets really stands out compared to all those other ROTC schools,” said E-1 senior Kyle Mawnstir. “We wake up at five in the morning for P.T., yell at the freshmen and keep the Chicken in business by buying their $2 whiskey every evening.”

Mawnstir emphasized the critical strength and importance of the Corps of Cadets’ traditions.

“These Citadel Bulldogs think they’re so special because they placed third in Norwich University’s King of the Hills,” said Mawnstir. “Do they make their freshmen pull a sled with Santa Claus on it? Or rank the female cadets on their attractiveness? Do they have a special table for cadets to have sexual relations on? I think not. That’s what sets us apart.”

The Mugdown thanks Mawnstir for sharing his words of wisdom, summarized as follows: As the Aggies prepare to fight the Bulldogs, just remember that there is something very special about the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets and the officers they produce. The Corps makes leaders, after all. 

Out of the 234,473 current officers in the military, these cadets will uniquely shine as a beacon of hope for agricultural leadership and development majors with Zyn addictions. During the game this Saturday, Corps members have promised to expose Citadel students for what they really are: fake ROTC members who don’t actually care about joining the military. 

 

— Boot Licker