FLO Season Begins, Friendships to Expire in April
As the leaves on campus dry up, freshmen begin desperately searching for a personality beyond “I’m a sophomore by hours.” One unmistakable sign of fall’s arrival at Texas A&M University: Freshman Leadership Organization decision season.
Across campus, thousands of freshmen submitted applications, attended socials and met the people they will call their “best friends” for the next eight months.
Unfortunately for them, FLO culture has evolved into an elaborate humiliation ritual disguised as a friendship-building experience.
The ritual begins innocently enough with freshmen answering the same four questions approximately 200 times: “What’s your major?” “Where are you from?” “Why did you choose A&M?” “What else are you involved in?”
Eventually, after weeks of brutal emails regretting to inform them that their top choices are not interested, the freshmen will have found their people. Soon, there will be countless Instagram posts, matching shirts and a GroupMe with thousands of notifications daily.
Suddenly April rolls around and the freshmen who spent the fall insisting they “just wanted to make friends” are asking about leadership positions for next year. Inevitably, the friendship-building experience slowly transforms into an unpaid corporate succession plan.
Everyone is supportive of everyone else. Everyone wants everyone to succeed. Everyone is “so excited to see who gets it.” That is until there are five positions and 30 applicants. Then, the friendships become slightly less lifelong. The girl you sat next to every meeting is now your competition, and your best friend is somehow your biggest threat.
By May, the annual FLO humiliation ritual is complete. The matching shirts are retired, the GroupMe is dead and the “best friends” have become just another like on your end-of-year recap post.
And the freshman who entered FLO recruitment hoping to find lifelong friends has learned the most important lesson of all: some friendships are forever; others expire in April.
— Chain Saw ‘Em Off
A hero to some, a villain to many. Chain Saw Em Off came to The Mugdown‘s attention for his unquenchable thirst for satirical violence and love for Texas A&M University. With a withering intellect, Chain Saw Em Off tears into the supple flesh of reality with the churning blade of absurdity to get through the spraying blood and gore to the soft red insides of truth. When not writing, police reports in and around the Austin area suggest he may be responsible for the disappearance of at least 15 people. Take heed! For when you hear the gentle rumble of the chainsaw echoing down the alleyway, it may already be too late.