Business Students Replaced with Artificial Intelligence

This week, Mays Business School announced it will be  replacing  its students with artificial intelligence. This decision comes after much consideration, according to the department heads, who released a statement which included the sentence “The future of business is AI, and we here at Mays pride ourselves in developing the future.”

When recruiters came to campus in spring of 2024, many students were relieved by reassurances that they would still have a cushy 9 to 5, just with extra time to spend chatting by the water coolers thanks to AI streamlining their work. Despite jobs being eliminated due to AI, further reassurances that every company loves to hire from Texas A&M allowed students to rest easy. 

However, when recruiters stopped recruiting and instead started bragging about how well their company’s bottom lines were doing and saying things like “not this semester, but if you try again next semester, the AI algorithm, I mean, I will, put you at the top of my pile,” students finally figured out they were screwed. 

Professors expressed cautious optimism about the change. 

“Students give us a dead look every time we ask a question. At least AI responds, even if it is nonsensical, ” said Jeanene Jarvis, a professor of marketing.

Meanwhile, campus recruiters are thrilled by the new streamlining. 

“Before, we had to pretend to be interested in getting to know students after taking their mostly empty resumes that cited things like babysitting and lifeguarding. Now, we just have to decide whether we think our bosses will prefer Claude or ChatGPT,” said Michelle Entil, a Honeywell recruiter.

 

— Boot In My Mouth