Sororities Unable to Meet Quota, Snap Bid Corps Members

Following this year’s unprecedented drop rate during recruitment season, Texas A&M University sororities have begun issuing snap bids to members of the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets. The decision came after several chapters found themselves with significantly fewer girls running home to their houses, forcing recruitment chairs to broaden their search. 

“We started, obviously, with the girls that registered for recruitment,” said Katie Cutler, Delta Delta Delta’s recruitment chair. “Then we tried friends of friends and even tried getting FLO staff to join. Finally, we got desperate and decided to extend our search to the Corps. We figured, if they were already in the Corps, they would join pretty much anything.”

Sororities reportedly began scouting the Quad after realizing cadets represented an untapped well of hundreds of potential recruits. While Corps members are not an entirely unfamiliar presence in sorority houses, sources say chapters have become increasingly willing to overlook the shaved heads and beige uniforms in light of this year’s abysmal numbers. 

“We are being, like, MUCH more holistic,” said Catey Kutler, Zeta Tau Alpha’s recruitment chair. “Do they have good personalities? Debatable. Do they have any social media presence? Not really. But do they know how to march? You betcha.”

The decision has reportedly been met with enthusiasm from Squadron 17, which has spent years attending sorority date parties under the apparent impression that it is a fraternity. 

“We’ve basically been in Greek life this whole time,” cadet Parker Peterson said. “This just feels like the obvious next step.”

Several sororities have reportedly begun conducting informal recruitment operations around the Quad, with chapter members approaching Corps members between classes and asking if they have “ever considered sisterhood.” 

Sophomore cadet Rusty Parker reportedly received a snap bid waiting in line at Duncan. 

“I didn’t even know I could be considered for this,” Parker said. 

“He’s exactly the kind of guy we’re looking for,” Kutler said.

When asked what qualities the chapter was looking for, she paused. “Honestly? At this rate, a pulse.”

In the weeks following bid day, sororities have ultimately expanded recruitment to include Corps members, students who have never heard of Greek life and anyone who makes eye contact with a recruitment chair for more than three seconds. 

One Panhellenic representative denied that chapters at Texas A&M were becoming desperate. She then reportedly sprinted across the Quad at a group of students wearing nice clothing. 

“HEY! HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT JOINING A SORORITY?”

 

— Wolf of Wehner