Scientology Begins Bannering Outside Memorial Student Center
In a strategic marketing move, the Church of Scientology has begun bannering outside the Memorial Student Center (MSC). With their enormous, Tom Cruise-adorned banner and persuasive representatives, the Church is hoping to court an entirely new generation of members.
The Mugdown reached out to a church representative for a comment and received the following statement from Shelly Miscavige, wife of current church leader David Miscavige.
“The current student organization banner-ers are already some of the most persistent, aggressive recruiters in the state of Texas,” said Miscavige. “I really believe our representatives will fit right in.”
The move has garnered backlash from prominent members of the Aggie community, the loudest being Texas A&M University President Dr. Susan Ballabina.
“We here at Texas A&M decry this move by the so-called ‘Church’ of Scientology,” said Dr. Ballabina. “With how numerous our rules, traditions and practices are at Texas A&M, we think Scientology is far too relaxed and permissive for our student body.”
Aggie students have mixed opinions on the church’s arrival on campus.
“This is a one-cult town,” said junior Fish Camp counselor Katy Hawthorne.
“I am excited by the prospect of joining a strict, hierarchical organization,” said Ian Lopez, a member of the Corps of Cadets.
The Church of Scientology will operate a booth at Club Crawl this weekend to answer questions interested students may have.
— Good Will Humping
After having served his time in introductory engineering classes, Good Will Humping spends his days pretend-gineering in the damp corners of Thompson Hall. But under his unassuming exterior, he is secretly a self-taught satire genius. In fact, he caught The Mugdown’s eye after writing an article we previously thought unwritable. When he isn’t at meetings, he spends his time in his court-ordered therapy sessions with the Sul Ross statue or lashing out at those around him about the state of the university. Despite his prodigious satirical intellect, Good Will Humping still works a boring construction job. Whether it is the new Aplin Centre or chemistry laboratory building, Good Will Humping has had a hand in them all. So, if you see construction on campus, you know which tortured genius to blame.