Student Calls ICE on Professor
Earlier this week, computer science major Alexander Skaggs contacted Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) about mathematics professor Josef Andrezejewski.
Sources confirmed Skaggs spent several minutes googling “How to deport a teacher” before calling the ICE tip line and whispering, “He’s making us do math against our will, and there’s a Z in his last name.”
Witnesses say that Skaggs became suspicious after the professor gave an assignment requiring critical thinking, a practice the student described as “not very American.” Other evidence Skaggs presented included Andrezejewski showing too much enthusiasm for Taco Tuesday and speaking about the necessity of empathy in today’s political climate.
There have been varied responses from other students, with some praising the bravery it took Skaggs to speak up about a potential threat on Texas A&M University’s campus.
“Alexander has inspired me to call ICE on any professor with whom I disagree,” said education major Amanda Shawn. “After all, you never know if your English professor might be a threat to national security.”
In the meantime, the university has brought in Professor John Thomas, a British native whose tourist visa expired six months ago. Skaggs has been to office hours several times already and is enamored with Thomas’ “fun accent.”
— Boot In My Mouth
Some people were born to lead. Others were born to follow. And then there’s Boot in My Mouth, who has made a proud career out of enthusiastically agreeing with absolutely anything said by anyone with even the slightest hint of authority. Professor, boss, random guy in line at Chick-fil-A…doesn’t matter. If there’s a boot nearby, he’s already halfway down polishing it. We’re not saying he’d sell us out for a gold star…but we are saying he’d ask how many stars you have first.