Seven Reasons You Shouldn’t Ask A Girl To Dance at Harry’s

As Harry’s settles into its new location on Northgate, freshmen and seniors alike are donning their boots and parking in lot 32. Although the location, people and even music has changed, one thing has not: most guys are still too scared to ask a girl  to dance. While many believe these men should just suck it up and ask her  to dance, there are many reasons why it’s  a bad idea. In order to help, we at The Mugdown have compiled a non-exhaustive list of reasons why you should NOT  ask a girl to dance. 

 

1.She will publicly humiliate and shame you

 

The worst she can say is no? Wrong. The worst she can do is push you to the ground and laugh at you as you get trampled on by a freshman’s barely-broken-in boots. Sad and dejected, you will return to your corner of the bar, aware of the hundreds of eyes that witnessed your pitiful rejection. 

 

2. She’s a freshman

 

If word gets out that you danced with a freshman, your life will be over. Forget about running for class president or graduating. Is one dance really worth your entire future? Mull it over …

 

3. She’s Mark Welsh in disguise 

 

As you approach, you realize why you were so attracted to her. Her sharp jawline and wig-like hair makes you feel safe and cared for. But as you get closer, you feel like you’ve seen her somewhere before, and once you get on the dance floor with her, you realize: she was the best president you ever had, and you don’t know how to lead. 

 

4. You trip over her on the dancefloor

 

On the off-chance she accepts your offer, you aren’t out of the woods yet. Leading her to  the dance floor with your clumsy feet is surely a recipe for disaster. On the first turn, your foot goes out too far, and she trips. Falling headfirst to the ground, you hear the clunk as she hits the floor. Blood starts oozing slowly as fellow dancers  trod  over her body. Too enamored with the music, no one helps her, and she lies motionless for the rest of the night. All because you wanted to dance. 

 

5. She is a mythical monster

 

You were drawn to her seemingly luscious brown hair, but you couldn’t see much in the dim lights of Harry’s. As you approach, you start to notice something off about her, but, committed to asking a girl to dance, you push forward. It isn’t until you are face-to-face with her that you realize: her hair wasn’t what you thought. Now you are staring down the 100 snakes in her hair. You feel the cold as your legs slowly turn to stone, and now you are forever fixed, mouth half open, as a statue at Northgate Harry’s. 

 

6. She knows all your friends

 

Even though you have never seen this woman before, she knows you. Even worse, she has all of your friends’ numbers and, after you dance with her, she will text a group chat with all of them about how bad you were. Now you’ve lost all your friends, and you are forever alone . I hope it was worth it.

 

7. She politely declines.

 

While very unlikely, this fate is worse than any of the ones listed above. How will you live with yourself if she says she isn’t interested or even worse, that she has a boyfriend? Perhaps it’s better to just stand in the corner while you watch other people dance. You can’t get hurt if you never ask. 

 

— Mrs. Dabfire