Breaking: University Forgot to Cancel 30-Day Trail of Interim President Tommy Williams

We all understood when The Board of Regents’ new boyfriend Tommy needed a place to crash for a few weeks, but this is starting to get ridiculous. 

Aggies were happy to offer their couches when Interim University President Tommy Williams required help. He’s had a lot going on, after all. And while he works on sending moderately-worded emails and allowing the reputation of Texas A&M University to slip, the student body has been understanding and even welcoming.

However, we’re beginning to think Interim President Williams might have gotten a bit too comfortable. 

He’s been leaving Cheeto dust all over the couch that now has a Tommy-shaped dent in it, which has undoubtedly formed as a consequence of his constant binge of The Secret Lives of Mugdown Wives. He has also repeatedly left empty takeout containers in the fridge and — though we can’t yet confirm it — we are pretty sure he’s been drinking straight out of the shared orange juice carton.

As his presence becomes more and more of a messy inconvenience in this household, there have been two questions on the minds of Aggies everywhere: when, if ever, is The Board of Regents going to kick him out? And who will they finally pick to fill the hole left by their messy breakup with the beloved General Mark Welsh III?

If history is any indication, whatever questionable choice they make will be in and out of our lives faster than you can say “Interim President Tommy Williams.”

— Ol’ Rock ‘n’ Roll and HypochondriAg