Myth vs. Fact: Thanksgiving Edition
Myth: You will start studying for finals over the break.
Fact: The only thing you will study is the back of your eyelids.
Myth: Friendsgiving will be a wholesome, loving evening.
Fact: Two girls will leave sobbing, one couple will break up and the host’s house will be in shambles.
Myth: You can convince your longhorn loving relatives that the Aggies will BTHO t.u.
Fact: No one is listening to your schizophrenic ramblings.
Myth: Everyone will love the dish you brought.
Fact: No, Jessica, everyone thinks you’re lazy and a loser for bringing a store-bought pie.
Myth: Your weird uncle won’t drink too much at dinner.
Fact: Make sure you take his keys.
Myth: Your hometown is big enough to avoid your high school ex boyfriend.
Fact: You will run into him, his mother and his new girlfriend 28 times in a week, and they are all hotter than you.
Myth: Your grandma won’t make things awkward.
Fact: She will ask when you’re giving her great grandbabies, your thoughts on Greg Abbott, and if your girlfriend has gained weight all in one breath.
— HypochondriAg & Hello Dammit
What’s that blob walking down the sidewalk? It’s HypochondriAg in her sparkling clean biosafety level 4 suit! Going into medicine purely to cure every disease on the face of the earth, HypochondriAg has a singular focus in life. Once that last germ is eliminated with one of the many Lysol wipes found on her person, HypochondriAg will ascend from this earthly planet and morph into her final form – a being of pure antibiotics with betadine coursing through her veins. Initially causing strife in meetings by reinstating Covid-era mask mandates, skeptical Mugdown authors were quickly silenced by her award-winning work. From her air-locked and heavily filtered apartment, HypochondriAg pumps out the purest satirical articles ever featured in Mugdown history. Clearly, the only bug she’s caught in her life is the satire kind.