Fish Camp Replaces Background Check With Relationship Audit

In an innovative move to ensure the emotional and physical safety of all counselors and freshmen, Fish Camp has replaced traditional background checks with a relationship audit. Beginning this application cycle, the audit will be used to evaluate whether chair candidates’ past relationship trends and romantic entanglements could interfere with camp morale.

Fish Camp Director of Membership Cameron Patrick detailed the extent of the audit, including past dating history, current romantic affiliations, and the number of  FLO siblings and counselors an individual hooked up with. 

“We realized that a chair’s ability to lead was directly related to their emotional entanglements,” said Patrick. “We cannot continue to place freshmen and counselors in uncomfortable environments with  a chair who thinks they’re the next Casanova.”

The first casualty of the new policy was chair applicant Catie Bishop, a former second-year counselor. Bishop was barred from candidacy after the audit revealed a past web of relationships leading to the destabilization of her previous camp. 

“Catie was a fantastic second year,” said Catie’s former chair Randy Pollard. “But ethically, I had to divulge to the auditor that she hooked up with her partner, myself, three freshmen, and our namesake’s son.” 

Some counselors and former chairs have taken a stand against the new policy, claiming their relationships had no interference with camp spirit.

“So what if I dated my first year counselor?” said former chair Ashley Busby. “No one in my camp was uncomfortable, and the five counselors who dropped had nothing to do with my relationship or the fact that I was casually seeing one of the directors at the same time.” 

It is estimated that as many as 70% of applicants will be rejected as a result of the policy change. 

Though opinion is split on the new initiative, Fish Camp Director Staff have assured chair applicants that while the Relationship Audit may seem invasive, it is necessary to preserve the already unstable dynamic of a camp. Directors have also hinted at expanding the audit to include friendship breakups, roommate history, and the amount of passive-aggressive messages sent in a calendar year.

— Hello Dammit