Derek Hough Announced as Guest Songfest Judge
Texas A&M Chi Omega revealed this morning that the guest judge for their Annual Songfest Show will be none other than Dancing with the Stars Judge Derek Hough. This year’s Chi Omega Songfest Chair, Bailey Prescott, took us behind the curtain, offering insight into the judging portion of the show.
“At first we thought about getting Bruno [Tonioli], but we got worried that his see-through shirts could be grounds for a Title IX complaint,” said Prescott.
Ultimately, the team settled on Hough, though reportedly things have been off to a rough start.
“Honestly, when I used all of the money we raised last year to pay for Derek Hough judging this year, I thought it was going to be a smashing success,” said Prescott. “But now? He is demanding that he make a TikTok with every single act, he keeps asking where his hair and makeup trailer is supposed to park, and when we told him that the acts do not have a live band and are using copyrighted music from YouTube MP3 converters, he nearly fainted.”
Hough, on the other hand, has maintained his characteristic upbeat attitude as he looks forward to the competition.
“My man, I am so honored to be here judging Songfest this weekend! I honestly can’t believe this isn’t nationally televised – this is the most intense dance environment I have seen since Dance Moms” said Hough. “I got to see some of the rehearsals. Really love the energy and enthusiasm, those One Army guys really need to make sure those moves are just a little sharper, but overall really excited to see everyone on stage!”
Eyewitness reports suggest Songfest chair for Zeta Tau Alpha, Maggie Eilish, was not so jazzed with Hough; conflict started when he landed his helicopter in the middle of their dress rehearsal on the top of Koldus Garage.
“He accidentally beheaded our main stunt girl when we were doing a lift, and somehow still managed to make comments on our heel leads and ‘demented lines,’” said Eilish. “If he has the audacity to be flying into the middle of our practices, he could at least tell us what the big trick in Delta Gamma’s finale is so we can do it first.”
Saturday evening’s competition results are sure to come with an uproar, and maybe even a surprise interruption from Carrie Ann Inaba.
— Lavender Hazed
Yes, Lavender Hazed is a Swiftie, but Don’t You start thinking those stereotypes Mean you know everything about her Sad Beautiful Tragic story. She bleeds Maroon which is why she joined the Corps of Cadets. But The Very First Night, Lavender Hazed learned the Corps was no Wonderland when The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived in Briggs Hall tried to haze her with a rubber snake attached to an Invisible String. Fortunately, she was able to Jump Then Fall out her window to the Holy Ground of the Quad and run to her Getaway Car. Lavender Hazed knew All Too Well (10 Minute Version) that Everything Has Changed. Even after reporting The Man, she could not Shake It Off that she was The Lucky One that was Safe & Sound. Long Story Short, now she spends her Daylight writing satire to expose hazing all across campus which to her is Better than Revenge. Mirrorball.