INTERVIEW: Goblin Living In West Campus Garage Says ‘NO’ to Loud Cars
This past week, a little green goblin was seen marching outside West Campus Garage with a sign that read “NO LOUD CARS.” The Mugdown sat down with this little green goblin to get his side of the story.
Many Texas A&M students posted photos of this mini-protest across social media. Can you confirm that you are the goblin in those photos?
Yes, and by the way, my name is Gage. So you can stop it with that “green goblin” stuff.
I believe it was “little green goblin,” but back to the protest. Why?
This is America! I don’t have to explain my first amendment rights to you!
Editor’s note: throughout this interview, Gage would chew dip and spit into an empty water bottle.
Your sign in the photos said “No Loud Cars.” Has that been an issue in the garage recently? Why are you so invested?
Because that’s my house! I’ve lived on the third floor of this garage since Al Gore should’ve won the election! And I can’t stand these souped-up cars the kids are driving. These trucks have exhaust pipes bigger than my torso with not a muffler in sight! They sound like a crowd of a hundred sorority girls running straight at you! Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking I’m back in the war, only to realize it’s some freshman with a Dodge Charger that takes thirty seconds to start up.
Have you ever thought about moving to get away from the noise?
It’s my prerogative to stay right where I am, but I’m going to keep protesting everyday for those who don’t have the voices to stand up for themselves. The squirrels. The birds. The fairies that live in the elevator shafts. I’m doing this for them.
Thank you so much for your time. Final question: What would you say to the drivers of these loud cars?
You can’t hide from Gage the Goblin, and there’s a special place in Hell for people like you.
– 12th Baby
During an A&M home football game, a beautiful baby was born to the most Redass of parents. While the other babies laid in their cribs and slept, this baby stood proudly on top of its bedding. Doctors said it was a scientific enigma: the first known infant born with fully working legs at the time of birth. The baby stood for two hours, refusing to sit or lay down. As the home football game concluded with an Aggie win over TU, the baby laid down and fell asleep. The baby could not stand anymore no matter how hard doctors tried. That was until it was a week later and the Aggies were playing once more at home. The baby stood up again, earning the name as 12th Baby.