Hundreds of Students Gather for ‘No Queens’ Protests Across Campus
In the wake of last weekend’s “No Kings” protests, a disgruntled group of Aggies has taken aim at local monarch Ms. Reveille. “No Queens” rallies have been scheduled across campus in the upcoming weeks, protesting the almost 95-year reign of The First Lady of Aggieland..
“She was in power when I was a student,” said Howard Mills, former student and main protest organizer. “And I graduated in ‘76.”
Key rallying points include Miss Rev’s unchecked power over classroom proceedings and the misappropriation of university funds, specifically those put toward Rev Force One.
“I can’t teach my class if a dog so much as barks?” said one professor. “So much for freedom of speech.”
Disillusioned members of the Corps of Cadets have also come forward with their stories of the tyrannical leader. Many claim that during mandatory morning exercise, Miss Rev is unrelenting, demanding that cadets chase campus squirrels for her.
When asked about these reports of power overreach, Lt. General Kenneth Houndstooth stated that the protests were “a joke” and “obviously just cat people pushing their feline agenda.”
The Corps has no plan to strip Miss Rev of her title any time soon, so it seems her reign will continue for now.
— Stephen Ring
Stephen Ring does not merely write psychologically thrilling satire, he lives it every day. Ring’s life is characterized by uncanny, paranormal and shuddersome happenings both on and off campus. For example, when Ring once spent twelve hours straight writing satire in Evans Library, each of his twelve fingers spontaneously turned into an Olive Garden breadstick before falling off and rolling down the stairs into the Starbucks line. Ring swears that once, while driving down Texas Avenue on a foggy night, a stampede of the ghosts of all nine Reveilles past were led in front of his car by the partially blind Rev X. Rev X spoke to him telepathically, imparting the cryptic message “My third eye sees that The Mugdown is the greatest student organization to ever come out of Texas A&M University.” Stephen Ring gained his two extra fingers when a Yell Leader granted him a special wish. Ring wished to have twelve fingers to be able to wear twelve Aggie rings at all times because he believed they would ward off evil spirits.