Dear Reveille, My Suitemates Take Too Long in the Bathroom…

Dear Reveille,

My suitemates take way too long in our dorm bathroom. It’s honestly ridiculous. I mean, I get crying in the shower for 45 minutes now and then… but every night? Why do they both do it? We haven’t even lost a football game yet! Sometimes I wonder if it’s more than just soap and tears, especially when it comes to the stiff rags and the occasional grunt, moan, or name-crying out from behind our steam-soaked door. And that’s just the showers! Don’t get me started on the hour-long dumps, the smell alone… Reveille, please help me. I don’t know how to bring this up, and I don’t think I can hold it much longer.

— Desperate and Disturbed in Dunn Hall

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Dear Desperate and Disturbed,

First things first, I just want to say I could kiss you on your sweet non-reg lips. Second of all, stop being such a hanky-panky, good-for-nothing, pushover! In my Corps, we aren’t limited by the concept of private bathrooms, and neither should you! The next time one of your suitemates has the gall to use up all the warm water in Lake Bryan, simply grab a screwdriver, tear down the door, and join them! You’ll not only conserve water but also make unforgettable memories with your closest neighbors. Don’t be scared – I do my business in public all the time, and people love it so much they even take pictures with me! That kind of camaraderie is what Aggieland is all about. The Aggie Spirit cannot be bridled, and neither should your bathroom usage. With just the turn of a screwdriver, you can save time and your relationship with your suitemates.

— Reveille