Sbisa Tailgates Send Expedition To Track Down Next Meal

In what university officials are calling the “most ambitious project Sbisa has embarked on,” Texas A&M’s Aggie Dining department has dispatched a student-led expedition to the frozen tundras of Siberia to procure fresh tiger meat for the tailgate against LSU. 

“We aren’t just cooking food,” said Thelma Strong: Head Dining Hall Coordinator, the self-proclaimed “goddess of the hunt,” and sponsor of the expedition. “This is war. When LSU shows up with their little burgers and french fries, we’ll be chewing on tiger steak, tiger bacon and straight up tiger.”

Witnesses at Kyle Field watched as 30 students armed with javelins, tranquilizer guns and 12th man towels in both pockets boarded a military-grade cargo plane bound for the far eastern borders of Russia. 

“Dangerous? This is all part of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Spirit,” said sophomore anthropology major Carl Williams. “Sure, we lost a few guys to the snow and another to a pack of wolves that’s been tracking us, but we’re close on this wild cat’s tail. I’m sure of it.”

Since news of operation “Striped Supper” reached government officials, the United States Department of Agriculture has officially declared Texas A&M’s dining program a “rogue culinary militia.” 

When asked for comment, LSU’s athletic department responded cautiously. 

“We don’t condone eating endangered species, but honestly, we’re terrified,” said Athletic Director Scott Woodward.

Satellite imagery has been able to triangulate the Aggie expedition’s last known location, somewhere near the Amur River. The university remains confident that at least part of the tiger, or part of the student group, will make it back in time for kickoff.

–Mugdown Staff