Worst Moment of Guy’s Life Captured on Barstool
In the span of an hour, freshman engineering major Arthur Johnson managed to fail a Math 152 exam, get dumped by his girlfriend for a senior cadet, and had his student loan grant revoked.
Witnesses say Johnson sat silently for several minutes on a bench along Military Walk before letting himself fully succumb to despair. Unfortunately for him, his crash out coincided with junior sorority girl Ella Schilling walking by, phone already pulled out in anticipation.
“This is prime Barstool content!!” Schilling said. “Who cares if he’s violently sobbing?? He’s in the middle of campus, so why shouldn’t I get the chance to have my video go viral?”
Reactions quickly poured in, and the post rapidly became one of the most liked on Barstool Texas A&M’s page.
“OMG what a loser!” says account @Whoop_There_it_is. Even the official Texas A&M Engineering account decided to chime in, with @tamuengineering writing “We have made the difficult decision to expel Mr. Johnson from the College of Engineering. Engineers must have strong willpower and academic skills, and from Mr. Johnson’s exam grade and subsequent breakdown, it is clear he lacks both.”
-Good Will Humping
After having served his time in introductory engineering classes, Good Will Humping spends his days pretend-gineering in the damp corners of Thompson Hall. But under his unassuming exterior, he is secretly a self-taught satire genius. In fact, he caught The Mugdown’s eye after writing an article we previously thought unwritable. When he isn’t at meetings, he spends his time in his court-ordered therapy sessions with the Sul Ross statue or lashing out at those around him about the state of the university. Despite his prodigious satirical intellect, Good Will Humping still works a boring construction job. Whether it is the new Aplin Centre or chemistry laboratory building, Good Will Humping has had a hand in them all. So, if you see construction on campus, you know which tortured genius to blame.