Thousands Of Students Claim To Receive “The One Ring”

One of the most important days in an Aggie’s life occurred this past weekend. No, not graduation, not even Chilifest… but Aggie Ring Day.

On Ring Day, the coveted Aggie Ring is awarded upon completion of 90 hours of hard work… or 90 hours of pretending to take notes when you’re really just watching YouTube on your laptop.
Ring Day is more than just a ceremony. It’s a rite of passage for junior, senior and overachieving sophomore Aggies. Parents, friends, and sorority sisters all gather around. Grandfathers arrive with Aggie Rings so worn down they’re basically just a nub of sentimental gold. All are eager to witness the coronation of a new Aggie.

“My family has been here for over 150 years; since the University was founded,” junior ring recipient Mary Hope Daniels said. “Getting my Aggie Ring is more important to me than getting my diploma. In fact, I might drop out after today. My employer probably won’t question whether or not I have a degree. All that matters is that I have my precious Ring.”

Witnesses report several instances in which Daniels was spotted cradling her new ring with crystal blue eyes glazed over, quietly whispering something to it about “forever” and “power” and flinching if anyone got too close.

“Let’s be honest. The diploma says you “learned things.” You “studied” and “worked hard.” But the Ring? It says “I’m an Aggie forever, and it doesn’t matter that I paid $1,200 to prove it.”

So while your diploma might hang on your wall, your ring will live on your hand and in your heart. If you’re not careful, it can live deep in your soul, leaving you muttering: “My preciousssssss.”

— Elevator Pitch