Aggie Habitat For Humanity Presents: Shaq-A-Thon

This week, the 15-year tradition of Shaq-A-Thon kicks off with an added twist — students will forgo their homeless cosplays and instead pretend to be the seven-foot basketball legend Shaquille O’Neal. 

Guidelines for this event have been revised to better reflect these changes. Instead of building and residing in glorified hovels, students are now required to run around Kyle Field Plaza in size 22 shoes and #32 Lakers jerseys for the duration of the week. Aggies can rest assured they will still have the opportunity to wear a dingy paper wristband to prove their exclusive clique membership — if they can make two 3-pointers in a row. 

Texas A&M’s Habitat For Humanity campus chapter has developed a point-scoring system in which students can participate in the event to raise money for A&M’s down-on-their-luck men’s basketball team. 

Students earn one point every time they shoulder-check someone as a tribute to Shaq’s blocking skills. Stolen shoes earn two points and random endorsements earn three. Other ways to get points include shaving your head, getting drafted to the Orlando Magic or buying an Icy Hot product. If you aren’t bald or selling insurance and pizza by the end of the week, you’re doing Shaq-A-Thon wrong. 

“Each year we’re a bit confused when Shack-A-Thon rolls around,” Aggie Habitat Co-President Sydney Seagraves said. “At least this year students have given up on pretending to care about the homeless.” 

These days, Shaq-A-Thon is the one of the only ways to prove you’re really a part of something. Join today to make lifelong trauma bonds, but remember — if you manage to lose your shoes, you will be shunned. 

— Mugdown Staff