When To Drop Your Fish Camp

Now that burgeoning Fish Camp counselors have received their new camps, many counselors are facing the most important question of the summer: Should I drop my camp? To make it easier for counselors to decide if their camp is a bust and full of lames, The Mugdown has compiled a list of potential reasons to drop your camp. 

No one has a mansion or lake house.

Before exchanging names or Instagram handles, you first need to know what tax bracket your fellow counselors’ daddy falls into, the square footage and Zillow listing of their home(s), and the total acreage of any farms, lake houses or other vacation homes. If your camp can’t even squeak out a sweet summer cottage on the beach, there’s no point in waiting around. Fish Camp is a free summer vacation — if you’re not going to a millionaire’s Lake Travis home or a 500-acre ranch, you shouldn’t waste your time.

There is no one hot in your camp.

What better place to find your future spouse than Fish Camp? If your camp isn’t averaging  7/10’s at least, it’s no question you should drop. Rule of thumb: Never be the hottest person in your camp. Aim to be the hottest of your sex — that way you can make the 10/10 your partner. What other option do they have?

Your namesake is a dork.

If your namesake isn’t rich, influential, fun or any combination of the three, you should drop immediately. You don’t want to associate yourself with some lame old grandma when you could have the dean of Mays or an astronaut. And God forbid they have a boring name or one with too many difficult syllables. Good luck trying to win the yell off in Camp Smith while Camp Stormbreaker is in your session.

No one you know is in your camp.

Not one single person from a past camp, FLO, men’s/women’s organization, Greek life, job or hometown is in your camp? Do you mean you have to genuinely form new relationships instead of forming an exclusive clique and only hang out with people you already know? Sounds like a nightmare. Drop ASAP and get one of your Chair friends to cheat you into their camp with your roommate.

It’s one of those camps.

You know what I mean.

— Yap Leader