Christian Student Orgs Wage New Religious War
Multiple Christian student organizations have chosen today to declare war after an altercation between Protestant and Catholic students. Sister Cindy, the famous protestant speaker, came to the Texas A&M campus today to preach about abstinence and living a godly life. Shortly after Sister Cindy began speaking, a large group of students coming from St. Mary’s after participating in Ash Wednesday approached the crowd and began to encourage students to receive ashes.
“Immediately, there was chaos,” one student witness, Jared Pullman, said. “All I remember is Sister Cindy yelling and then suddenly everyone was fighting each other.”
Campus police were called to the scene, but it had already progressed too far for them to propose peaceful discussions. Groups like Breakaway, Aggie Sisters for Christ and Impact Camp have joined forces against Aggie Catholic, John15 and the Catholic Students Association in their war for what will be the dominant sect of Christianity at A&M.
“I thought we had put the seven-years war, the nine-years war, and the 30-years war behind us,” history professor Michelle O’Reilly said. “What are they going to bring back next, the 100-years war?”
The opposing sides have already claimed territory on campus with border skirmishes occurring at the Academic Building, the Sterling C. Evans Library and the Quad. Catholics have claimed most of north campus as well as their home turf of St. Mary’s and the greater Northgate area. Meanwhile, the Protestants have all of west campus, parts of south campus and every Chick-fil-A on campus.
The Mugdown will continue to report on this developing story.
— 12th Baby
During an A&M home football game, a beautiful baby was born to the most Redass of parents. While the other babies laid in their cribs and slept, this baby stood proudly on top of its bedding. Doctors said it was a scientific enigma: the first known infant born with fully working legs at the time of birth. The baby stood for two hours, refusing to sit or lay down. As the home football game concluded with an Aggie win over TU, the baby laid down and fell asleep. The baby could not stand anymore no matter how hard doctors tried. That was until it was a week later and the Aggies were playing once more at home. The baby stood up again, earning the name as 12th Baby.