Bubble Buddy Runs For Student Body President
This past weekend, Bubble Buddy — Spongebob’s good friend and current Mays Business junior — announced his candidacy for student body president. His announcement was unprecedented, coming very late in a race that will come to an end on Friday at noon, but has come with no shortage of supporters.
“I transferred here this semester because I felt so drawn to the bubble-like environment,” Buddy stated in a press release. “I love it so much, it feels like I am right at home in my own little unpoppable world. The bubble culture here is deeply rooted and it would be an honor if my fellow bubble lovers would vote for me to be their next student body president.”
Bubble Buddy, whose official campaign slogan is “A bubble above the rest,” has promised in his platform to work on providing things like transparency, sustainable and eco-friendly bubble dorms and bubble wrap therapy.
Josue Rodrigo, junior psychology major and campaign manager of the Bubble Buddy campaign, has reportedly been speaking to organizations across campus and sharing his confidence online in Buddy’s success despite being the underdog.
“Bubble Buddy is such a breath of fresh air after seeing the exact same campaign from copy-and-paste candidates year after year,” Rodrigo said. “Buddy is light, uplifting, and will not weigh the student body down with empty promises like those other guys.”
Results will be announced at 7 p.m. on Friday. In the meantime, several competitors are hoping Bubble Buddy will pop under the pressure.
— Lavender Hazed
Yes, Lavender Hazed is a Swiftie, but Don’t You start thinking those stereotypes Mean you know everything about her Sad Beautiful Tragic story. She bleeds Maroon which is why she joined the Corps of Cadets. But The Very First Night, Lavender Hazed learned the Corps was no Wonderland when The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived in Briggs Hall tried to haze her with a rubber snake attached to an Invisible String. Fortunately, she was able to Jump Then Fall out her window to the Holy Ground of the Quad and run to her Getaway Car. Lavender Hazed knew All Too Well (10 Minute Version) that Everything Has Changed. Even after reporting The Man, she could not Shake It Off that she was The Lucky One that was Safe & Sound. Long Story Short, now she spends her Daylight writing satire to expose hazing all across campus which to her is Better than Revenge. Mirrorball.