A&M Accidentally Tows Their Own Vehicles From Campus Lots

With the recent rise of DEI hires, the Texas A&M Department of Transportation has faced inefficiencies within its towing team. Just last week, one of said “DEI hires” made a damaging mistake by towing several of A&M’s own vehicles from Lot 100. 

Department of Transportation employees notoriously stalk the parking lots of campus seeking illegally parked cars. The university brings in nearly $1 million annually by ticketing students who leave their cars in 30-minute spots for 17 and a half hours. Although the transportation department is among the largest at A&M, they are united by their desire to charge students $35 as often as they can. 

“Even though I’m blind, thanks to these DEI policies I was easily able to get a job operating the university’s tow trucks,” the offending employee, who wished to remain anonymous, said. “As an organization, we have an incredibly high success rate with ticketing illegal cars. This is the first time I’ve made a mistake.”

The University rushed to recover seven of their aggie branded fleet from the tow yard, hoping to make a recovery without reports of the mistake getting to the press.

A&M hopes that the remainder of the year can be without incident. The university released a statement with new goals and incentives for the Department of Transportation.

“We are ashamed by the actions of the tow truck operator,” the statement reads. “Going forward, we pledge to hire drivers based only on merit and promise to get to the root cause of the issue by doubling our towing rates of illegally parked student vehicles and quadrupling our rate of ticketing these illegals.”

— Rudder Ducky