Aggies Recruit Four-Year-Old Jason Belaren For 2025 Football Season
As the recruiting season comes to a close, Texas A&M has landed a key prospect: four-year-old Jason Belaren. The decision comes after Belaren decommitted from UGA two weeks ago, claiming their campus didn’t have nearly enough hiding places for hide-and-seek.
“Jason is a big win for the upcoming football season,” coach Mike Elko said. “We have been talking with him for all four years of his existence. It’s nice to see that he made the right choice.”
The potential 5-star quarterback has shown interest in many major schools, but after seeing business students playing in the ball pit in Mays he knew A&M would be the right fit. The playful atmosphere and lack of intellectual rigor informed Belaren’s decision to major in business administration.
“He can already color within the lines pretty well,” Heather Belaren, Jason’s mother, said. “I think he will do very well in his classes.”
Elko discovered Belaren at the Dallas Pop Warner football championship against the White Tigers. There, he led his team to a decisive 7-3 victory, showing great promise for the future of the Fightin’ Texas Aggies and receiving accolades from all three parents in the crowd.
— Mrs. Dabfire
Mrs. Dabfire is a woman of many talents: certified fish camp mom, unofficial MSC greeter, and full-time vape cloud. A theater major turned amateur intramural pickleball referee, Dabfire made a name for herself when she substituted for her younger cousin at New Student Conference and somehow left with three Breakaway T-shirts, a minor in Agricultural Leadership, and a job offer at Layne’s Chicken Fingers. Known for her emotional range (from giggling to sobbing during the Aggie War Hymn), she’s never seen without a pearl necklace, platform Crocs, and a Juul named “Ol’ Sarge.” She’s not your mom – she’s everybody’s mom. Just don’t ask what’s in her Owala.