New Mexico State Sued For Being Knockoff Aggies

The Office of the President filed a lawsuit on Tuesday against New Mexico State University, alleging a “misappropriation of the Aggie Spirit.” 

Due to New Mexico State’s founding occurring 17 years after Texas A&M, President Mark A. Welsh III is suing on the grounds of 136 years of counterfeiting with intent to settle with A&M’s acquisition of NMSU to rebrand it as New Mexico A&M University, or NMAMU.

Parallels drawn between the two universities range from adopting a stray dog as a football campus mascot to the greeting “Howdy!” With more limited funds, New Mexico State strategically endeavors to replicate Texas A&M at any capacity, with resources to have an NMSU hot air balloon racing in the sky, with likeness to Texas A&M’s NASCAR. The only notable difference is the comparison between Ol’ Rock and Pistol Pete, the latter appearing to be the younger brother of Ol’ Rock.

“They’ve made it so easy for us, practically all we have to do is change the name of their ‘Aggie Camp’ to ‘Fish Camp’ and we’ll be all settled,” President Mark Welsh III said. “My office figured it would make most sense to simply buy out New Mexico State, considering they’re attempting to replicate us anyways. With this acquisition, the university system is opening the door into acquiring universities nationwide, hopefully one day becoming the largest university system in the country. ”

There have been reported sightings of New Mexico State Aggies on campus taking notes. Investigation into the contents of these notes report a  “12 Step Plan to create the Corps of Cadets,” “How to steal the Aggie Spirit,” and “remember to color match this maroon.”

When requested to comment, NMSU President Marsha B. Wellish IV stated that “it’s ridiculous to suggest New Mexico is unoriginal because our color is literally crimson.”

This allegation is misleading due to the fact that the only NMSU apparel items available are maroon. Perhaps the university should require a course on color theory.

There’s a spirit can ne’er be told — or replicated — but it sure as hell can be spread through merger & acquisition strategies. 

 — Loco-Motive